New Stuff

It's the week after Christmas, and of course there's new stuff. I got
some attachments for my sewing machine, which will ensure that I never
ever have to make ruffles by hand ever again (and there was much
rejoicing), and I got some gift cards to my favorite scrapbook supply
stores, so that's a happy thing too. But this week, I've done more
purchasing - stuff I NEEDED. And this is the kind of thing I can't
ask for as a gift. And it's the kind of thing I get very little joy
out of shopping for.

Need #1: a new treadmill. I had a treadmill - the same one that's
been in my basement for the better part of 15 years (it took a brief
hiatus at a friends house, but ultimately came back home). It works,
and isn't really showing any signs of being non-functional. But I
could use something with an incline, and a better display for how fast
I'm going and how far I've gone. Old treadmill had such a display,
but it was flaky, and the speed control was on a slider thing - not
offering very precise control. And I've actually been using the
treadmill 3 times a week for the last month. So it was time - I've
earned the upgrade. I picked up a ProForm 400 CT from Sam's, and
I'm extremely happy with it. It has plenty of incline, and far more
precise control of the speed. There are also built-in speakers and a
cable that plugs into my phone so that I can play music without having
to wear headphones. It's nice - but it's not very loud. Good if the
kids are down there - it allows me to hear their argument before it
escalates into disaster. But most of the time I wait until they're
asleep, and I want to drown out everything - including any type of
independent thought I may want to have. So I still have a need for
headphones. Anyway, it's really nice (especially considering that I
only parted with $500 to get it) and I'm very happy.

Need #2: new pants. I'm down 18 lbs, and my pants are finally baggy
enough to look bad. When I started JC, the pants were tight - as in,
time to go up a size. But I couldn't handle that idea. By around the
10lb mark, the pants fit the way they should and were no longer
cutting off circulation or threatening to split up the back. Now, at
18lbs, they're not in any danger of falling off, but they're looking a
little saggy in the back, which is probably just as unflattering as
the tightness that was there 12 weeks ago. So last night I purchased
pants. CJ Banks (a plus size store) was having a pants sale, so I
lucked out. I was able to get 4 pair for the money I was planning on
spending, and I had only figured I'd be able to get 2. So that's a
happy thing. They're only one size down, and a little tight around
the middle still. But at least I'll have a frame of reference as
these (hopefully) start to get less snug.

My hopes are that by spring, these pants will start to be in the
too-big range, and it will be time to do another round of shopping.
But at that point I can shop for skirts, which have a much larger
range for weight - the right style skirt could probably cover a range
of 3 sizes without much more than the move of a button. I really
don't enjoy shopping for clothes. The now-baggy pants were purchased
during my maternity leave 4 years ago, when I realized that there was
no likelihood that I'd be dieting or exercising and getting back to my
pre-pregnancy clothes any time soon. Perhaps by spring, my
relationship with my new treadmill will have produced enough results
that I'll change my mind. But for now, this week's purchases were
about as fun as shopping for a new set of tires for my SUV. But it's
done, and should hopefully sustain me for a while. Now I can
concentrate on my fun shopping - spending those Michaels and Archivers
gift cards.

Mid-week diet reflections

So, it's only Thursday, and with my weigh-ins being typically on Mondays, this is really about mid-week. I think this week has been a good week for the weight loss efforts. I figured out something critical for making the food thing work. I'm sure that Erica (the Jenny Craig consultant) would not approve of my methods, but once I have my weigh-in on Monday (assuming the numbers go the way I think they will), I will be convinced that my way is better and I will continue doing things that way.

According to the instructions, one is supposed to follow the menu fairly exactly. As in, if they say that I should be having such-and-such a cereal for breakfast, then I should also be having exactly such-and-such a sandwich for lunch and exactly such-and-such an entree for dinner. It's all perfectly nutritionally balanced that way. And it drives me perfectly nuts. I hate it. I tried to stick with it last week, and look at the food prescribed for the entire day before I selected breakfast. Way to start the day on a sour note. Trying to figure out what I might like for dinner at 8am is just not something I can do. And honestly, when it then came time for dinner - I didn't want what was on the menu, and rather than choosing a different JC box, I chose Taco Bell. I somehow doubt that was the right choice.

So this week, I'm trying something different. I have 7+ breakfast options, at least 10 lunch options, and probably 15 dinner options (Taco Bell wasn't the only diversion). So, before leaving for work, I grab whichever breakfast seems the most desirable, and whatever lunch item strikes me. When I get home, I select a dinner. I'm sure my days are not nutritionally balanced, especially when you factor in all of the prescribed snacks. If I feel like yogurt instead of popcorn, then I have yogurt. Not the same, but I'm not angry about the food. Last week I was angry. Last week I was ready to quit. Last week, I gained half a pound. This week, I think I'm down about 3 lbs.

I think the lesson here is that restrictions are bad for me. The more restrictions and rules, the less likely I am to succeed. Apparently, I need to do things on my own terms. Clearly I need help (like in the form of portion controlled boxed food), but all of the other rules and restrictions and requirements are nothing but a barrier and do little more than piss me off.

So, we'll just see how the week pans out, but for now, I think I might have stumbled on to a compromise that might just work. Come Monday morning I'll know for sure.

It's nearly over....

Christmas, that is. I really don't like the fact that I detest Christmas more every year. I don't mind the giving - I actually emptied my purse of cash because of the bell ringers, and we sent in gift cards or supplies to every adopt-a-whatever that anyone we knew was sponsoring. Tomorrow I plan on taking the kids to a toys-for-tots dropoff location. I already have two things, but I'm considering taking the kids to a toy store first and having them choose something for the drop box.

But I wish that there weren't so many other obligations. And I wish I could convince myself that it would be OK to get my children one gift each and call it good. Not because we can't afford it - but rather because they're entirely too spoiled. And regardless of all of the things that will be under the tree, there will probably still be disappointment. This is why I'm looking forward to this all being over.

Tomorrow is the work holiday, and the day care is closed too. And I'm trying to figure out how to spend the day without feeling the need to sedate my children. They're bound to be bouncing off of every wall. I think we definitely need to do the toys for tots thing - at least it gets us out for a bit. I've also considered having them select some neglected toys from their rooms and take them to Good Will. Maybe we can go get some cash from an ATM and visit a few red kettles. I'm sure it won't help ground them as much as I'd like, but maybe it will help me feel better.

Or maybe we can just make cookies. Oh wait, but then there's all the wrapping that still needs to be done. And I've still got a calendar to make for the swap at my mom's house. Oh, and we need to drop off gifts for all of the neighbors at some point. Oh, and the holiday cards need to be made (I guess I should limit my designs to Happy New Year - or maybe Valentine's Day). And Rob wants me to make some earrings for Nicole to balance out some cars he found for Jake. Dammit. I hate Christmas.